A Spark of Something New

I discovered sparkpeople.com a few months ago when, like the rest of the dieting world, I was setting myself up for the disappointment of not losing weight. I played around a bit, but it seemed so overwhelming to learn and to do so I just let it slip by. Now I am back on the wagon, a really pretty wagon that is, and have been getting more connected and seeking support.

One of my biggest hurdles with getting healthier is the self talk and self doubt. But I am at an age that says “you need to do it now before something goes wrong.” So I am. By checking in to sparkpeople each day, I am feeling more motivated and finding that I am not alone in my quest to eat yummy foods and be healthier at the same time. Plus, not being part of the gym rat crowd, I have found that there are things to do here, there and everywhere that help me get to the place I want to be.

It’s all baby steps. This week on the “Get Healthier” agenda is waling 10,000 steps at least 5 days a week. So far I have come close (3 days into it) and yesterday I did it. How? Well, it all started by cleaning the hell out of my living room. Allergies are strong this year and my living room was crying out to be de-dusted. What I thought would take an hour turned into a 5-hour project. Everything was dusted, vacuumed and mopped until spotless. And it knocked off about 4,000 steps taking garage sale items out to the garage, and stepping back and forth as I vacuumed. Add on some strength training from moving furniture and you get a good workout and a very nice room.

Next was dog walking 3 times during the day and waiting for them to do their business. I’m getting more in the habit of walking them instead of just letting them out in the backyard since it is so nice lately. This took off another 3,500 steps.
With only 2,500 steps to go, I continued de-cluttering my home and taking all the remnants to the garage. Add in moving stuff around in the yard and finally taking a quiet walk by myself at sunset and I had 10,000 steps done for the day. Today, I am doing it again by taking short walk breaks at work (they are my non-smoking smoke breaks), getting the puppies out and about , and tonight taking a relaxing walk with my honey.

So far this is more than just a counting ritual. It has really helped me focus on the right choices and has kept me on track for drinking lots of water. And it’s not so hard.

My satisfying treat:

Chinese Chicken Salad
3oz cooked chicken breast
handful or more of lettuce
3 or 4 radishes
1 stalk of celery with the frilly top
A bit of chopped green bell pepper
¼ cup canned mandarin oranges
2TBSP of lite sesame ginger dressing

You know how to make a salad. I just love the spicy radishes mixed with the sweet oranges, lovely.

*Note: I wish I had more time to check out other fitness, health and food blogs, but I am just too busy. I keep telling Paul that he can make me a kept woman so I don’t have to work all day, but he only laughs and says he was thinking I would make him a kept man. Damn, wrong guy again – oh well I love him anyway. Do you have any you would like to share?

Shorts

What does a relatively healthy 40-something foodie do when she can no longer fit into her favorite shorts and can’t stand the skin she’s in?

She re-evaluates and comes up with a new plan. I am very experienced at creating new plans. But this is a new, new plan. What makes it new? I had some new help in crafting it (instead of on my own) and I have new support to help me (Paul).

Instead of trying to keep up with my friends who are doing a million things at once and still have time to party, I am focusing solely on my health. I have been overweight all my life. When I tried to put on my favorite shorts to welcome the warm weather they didn’t fit at all, like they were a couple sizes too small. These used to be my favorites that emphasized my curves and made me feel just that much more confident. It was the last broken cheese straw.

My helpful cohort in this plan suggested I do just one thing at a time. My first translation read: Get a good weight loss plan, stick to it 100%, workout 2 hours a day, walk 10,000 steps a day, don’t drink or eat anything “bad” and also do everything else on your to-do list. I was lost.

What she really meant, in her chuckled manner, was eat more of the healthy stuff, less of the not-as-healthy stuff (about 80/20), get moving in fun ways and forgive.
The patience factor kicked in and I wanted to fit in those sleek, black shorts now, but realized that it took a while to put on these pounds and it will take a while to get them off. This was the turning point, because instead of being sad about it, I also realized that if I did make an occasional slip-up, that it wouldn’t matter since it took more than a slip-up to get me here.

So I am taking it slow. Baby steps. And I am starting with these shorts. They are a size 14 and would look great with a cute black top, a snakeskin belt, flats and my tortoise-shell look sunglasses. The perfect summer date night outfit.

I’m not stopping there. This is a 60-pound journey, but it begins with those hot shorts. Each day will be the adventure and it already has been with getting back into the flow at the gym (the elliptical for 30 minutes), eating more veggies and drinking more water, and accepting myself as I am now. It also helps to have wonderful friends and a great lover around to make you feel like you can do anything.

Note: Yes, I know it seems like I am starting over again, but this time I will stay focused. I promise.

9 Days of Christmas

One of the benefits of working from home is that I actually get to take breaks throughout the day. And today I am taking care of myself during those breaks by dancing my little heart out.

This is no easy task since I am still suffering from ankle issues, but On-Demand has a variety of dancing workouts that aren’t so bad. There’s Bollywood for alluring full-body movements, Salsa which is one of my favorites, Hip Hop, even though this does make me feel a touch old and, of course, striptease. I can already feel my body getting sore from some of the moves, but it is a very fun way to work during the day.

But that’s not all. Tonight I am going to my Latin Dance Class and make sure that all the stress is shimmied away.

Making Work Into Play

Even though I am part of the Y, I still prefer to play at getting my exercise instead of working out. I like the dance classes and even weight lifting, but other than that, I get bored – quickly.

So instead, I sweat and do cardio cleaning and landscaping my yard. Raking for 30 minutes really gets the heart going and doing squats while picking up those leaves gives my thighs and buns a real burn. Digging holes for new plants and trimming hedges puts the umph back into my arms, and the walking back and forth is great for intervals.

As I catch my breath and inspect what I have done I feel good in at least two ways.

Walking the dogs and running errands can be fun to as I recycle and grocery shop on my bike. My pups usually get two walks a day to wear them out and to get my day started as well as relaxing when I get home.

Inspired by the two hours of dancing I did at the Depeche Mode concert, I have been dancing around the house like crazy adding in some of those sensual stripper moves to tone my abs. Maybe I’ll be good enough one day to do a performance for my next boyfriend.

Play spurs on the other workout kind of things that will keep me healthy as I do push ups, sit ups and lift weights in the back yard after cleaning it and do yoga on the deck when the morning is nice.

But I want to do more. Kayaking with Chris. Walks to the park with Ren. Doing consecutive martini glass lifts with Guy. Plus, mattress calisthenics are always effective as well.

What is your favorite way to stay fit?

Old Friends and New Hopes

Yesterday, I got in touch with an old friend who I hadn't spoken with in years. We used to be tight, but like a lot of friendships, years have passed. Through a falling out, a misunderstanding or just other responsibilities, many of us have put our old friendships on the backburner.

We spoke like we used to as if time never passed and I had to admit I was very satisfied when it was through. It all has to do with connections. Those things that you never expect anything will come of and suddenly you are wrapped up in someone else's life and they in yours. Through six years of sharing our hearts, we had experienced all levels of emotion and still stood by one another when we could stand.

Unfortunately, time does pass and expectations aren't met and disappoints left in permanent ink still mark our psyches. It was nice to connect for a few moments and wash away all those marks, but when the glee wears off there is always the now and the life that goes along with it.

After we spoke, I made sure to catch a new show. I am not one for reality TV, but this one seemed right up my alley. More to Love caught my imagination and I have to admit these plus-size girls really looked great. It was actually inspiring. After the conversation that elevated my ego, this show really brought to life what I have recently experienced.

Being a bigger girl, though I have never seen myself in a bad light until I was forced to look through someone else's eyes, I know what it is like to be passed over when looking for love. A lot of the ladies voiced some thoughts I have had like hanging out with other beautiful women so the chunky one gets passed over. I admit, I hang out with a lot of very gorgeous women and yet most of the time when I am out with them, I'm not looking to hook-up just to share in their companionship.

And I wonder if that is the reason why me and BP never worked it out. I never thought of it until I realized that there are shallow men out there who get embarrassed when their lady isn't a size 2. I always figured it was a flaw with the man and it is. Now I wonder.

Well I will continue on my quest to get healthy, but I will never be a size 2 and I don't want to be since I love to eat wonderful food. Why give up your pleasures just to please someone else? Not me, never again.

Ode to Nigella

One of my friends, W., has recently discovered the talented and lovely Nigella. He heard her voice one afternoon on NPR and was drowned in its robust Britishness. As a neigh-sayer he figured that she was probably all voice, but after a gander on the Internet he found her to be the new object of his fantasy affections.

The next day when he confessed his indecent ideas to me (he had already told his wife who balked and kept on cooking her beans and rice) I told him I knew all about Nigella. Someone said that she is an object of desire for both men and women; men want to be with her while women want to be her. I know R. even had a teeny crush on her, though she is a bit chunky for his tastes. Never one to shrug off a gift, I would love to be her, I admit it. At least to have just a dash of her personality and rounded figure.

A recurring daydream of mine is to have my own cooking show on the Food Network. Not a chef or really even a cook, I love to cook and find it all so Zen. Even when I am stressed out, sad or just plain frustrated, I find cooking calms my soul. When I mentioned this in Weight Watchers the leader scoffed saying that “food is not the answer when you are upset.” I agreed, but added, “Eating your feelings isn’t the answer, but sautéing, roasting or chopping them away is, for me.” I think only those who love to dabble in the kitchen can understand.

Another article I saw referred to Ms. L as the ‘Queen of Food Porn” I love it. Food, cookbooks, cooking shows, talking about food, cooking are all so sensual to me that even making my shopping list can be considered orgasmic. One of my favorite past times is to get a load of cookbooks from the library, a bottle of wine and a free Friday or Saturday night and peruse. God it is heaven.

And what I love about this British biscuit bombshell is that she makes no apologies for her curvy figure and voluptuous assets. Though quite a few heads taller than me, she handles body well and emphasizes her sensuality in each movement, caress of the food, smile and wink at the camera, and sexy enunciation of the edible words. It’s like the foreplay. Unfortunately most men I have dated only care about the main event and skip the fondling, sweet nothings and sizzle that revs it up. But Ms. L would never allow that in her kitchen.

Oh to be Nigella; beautiful, smart, sexy and all with a sweet smile. That is who I want to be. Until then, I will just have to be a cheap copy.

With that, here is a recipe I made the other night and loved. Enjoy!

Rainbow Salad
This was concocted on a night when I was really hungry and didn’t want to go off plan so I only had about 4 points to use. I made a huge batch and ate it the next day, a surefire way to stay on track.

Lettuce (I used one bag of iceberg jazzed with carrots and one romaine heart)
Tomatoes
Cucumbers (I like the pickling and hot house kinds since they aren’t waxed)
Red and green Cubanelle peppers
Shredded carrots
Sliced celery
About 3 medium pickles
10 or so Kalamata olives
Half a jar of pickled beets (sliced)
Half a jar of vinegar-marinated mushrooms (chopped)
1 can or artichoke hearts (chopped)
1 can of hearts of palm (cut)
1 can of sliced green beans
3TBSP of grated parmesan

I mixed it all together in a big bowl and seasoned with salt and pepper. Then came the dressing.

1 part grapefruit juice
1 part lime juice
3 parts olive oil
Salt and pepper
Dash of cumin

I find it easiest to make my dressing in a jar and shake away. The I put a light coat on the salad, tossed with my hands and voila! A fantastic salad with lots of textures, tastes and only 2 points. For lunch the next day, I spruced it up with a chicken breast and the next day I put in some feta. Use any vegetables you like (but I must admit I am hooked on pickled beets ever since North Carolina.)

Fini and Begin Again

My stained glass angel ornament on my pink tree - that's Christmas to me

Life is what happens when you’re trying to write a blog. So instead of writing, I was living, but now I am back and happy to have some semblance of routine and normalcy. Nothing bad kept me from this personal task, all good with holidays to boot, but it did leave me snackered. Here are the top ten things that have transpired over the past 4 weeks. (In no particular order)

O Tannebaum

My perfect pink tree. Kitsche, I know, but aren't you jealous?

I just love my Christmas tree. It is pink with white lights and stands only about 6 feet tall (on a crate.) I have all kinds of ornaments on it even one that was crafted with my own wee hands when I was 3. I got the tree last year for $30 and the guy at the store said, “You’re goin’ to be the only person in Pinellas County with a pink tree.” My response, “I hope so,” even though I knew that there would be many folks in the gayborhood that would adore some pink plastic perfection. Even Guy was jealous. I wrap the bottom and its pedestal wine crate in a Santa-inspired, red and white faux fur skirt and even sans gifts it is a sight to behold. I hate the thought of taking it down and packing it away for another full year.

All the little children

Leilani having a blast at her recital. Her enthusiam was contagious!

It wouldn’t be a holiday without a children’s recital. I was invited to Leilani’s class’ Christmas program and had the honor of listening to three-year-olds massacre the old Christmas standards. It’s sort of like watching the auditions for American Idol, but not sad at all with kids forgetting their lines and waving to mommy in the front row, or those standing fear-struck as dad coerces them to look at the video camera. I just loved it. And of course Leilani stayed on cue and didn’t pick her nose nor lift her dress even once to the relief of her mother.

Noah, not to be outdone, does his famous rolling eyes routine. He's such a comedian.

I’ll be home for ChristmasA quick shot of my family during the gift exchange.

Since my family has developed into quite an extended posse, we try to make it for at least one day a year to be together, including spouses, mates, in-laws and kids. This year my niece Amanda hosted at her posh house. The food was divine with deep-fried turkey, pole beans cooked with bacon, Greek salad, butternut squash casserole and apple cobbler (my addition.) Plus it was great seeing the clan. My nieces and nephews are all grown with the youngest in his second year of college. Brian brought the girlies (his two divine daughters Madison and Sailor) and they are what really make the season bright. Even Laura, the actress, made it home all the way from LA and her Orange County-lifestyle. I miss the lot of them, but we just don’t seem to be able to hook-up much. Plus it is a nice time to catch up and do a simple gift exchange. This year was pretty weak though since my niece Erin left early and no one stole from anyone else, except me to try to get the ball rolling. Plus for me it’s all about giving so I was so pleased to see that Holley, Brian’s wife, got the afghan I made. She is so sweet and really appreciates things like that. My brother never makes it to these things since he lives in Michigan or something and I guess it is better to be there than with us.

Madison and Sailor Grace having a blast on Christmas Eve. They really make the holiday for me.

Sailor helping her mom with her new afghan. It was my first big project and turned out so sweet.

Feliz Navidad

You can't have black beans and rice without red wine vinegar!

And to balance out all the stress from driving to the family Christmas, I spent Christmas Day at Michelle’s and enjoyed my favorite meal of all time – Cuban roast pork, black beans and rice and baked ziti. Last year, she went to Ohio to visit family (why else would someone go to Ohio) and this left me beanless for the first Christmas in more than 10 years. It was painful. But I made up for it this year with double plates of food and a very sick belly that evening. Her family had done the Christmas Eve too so it was just us, Vivi, Ronn and her mom lounging around watching the Food Network and drinking wine. Mich and I recycle presents (meaning we usually take something we have and give that as a gift instead of buying something impersonal – except wine, that is good for all occasions.) This year I gave Vivi a Mary Poppins Barbie I had gotten about 12 years ago from an ex-boyfriend. It was still in the box with most of the accessories. I also shared with her half of my Hello Kitty collection (the other half goes to Leilani with her brother Noah gets my X-Men comic collection.) There was only a touch of drama, but it wouldn’t be a holiday without someone drinking too much and being all passive aggressive. (Vivi took the picture of her mom to the left, not too bad I thought. )
Vivi has already learned-leave the gun, take the cannoli!






Cause I’m a loser baby
Weight Watchers is a godsend. I am doing pretty well though I have fallen off the wagon a couple times. It’s the holidays and I let myself falter from time to time, but try to keep up with the exercising. I know that this is my time, and 2009 is all about me. I no longer want to think about my weight or convince myself that one day I will be thin. I am working towards my goal and I plan to be the hottest beatch at next year’s New Year’s Eve celebration. Now, I just need a hot guy to show me off. So far I have found a bunch of new recipes, including a vegetarian chili that so rocks, I just love a cup of it in the afternoon when I get ready to work out. I feel more alive than before and even when I am naughty (which I love being naughty) I can still be on track, a touch. I have vowed to not buy any new clothes until I get to the halfway point (which I am shooting for the end of April) and will be treating myself to exercise toys, accessories for my bike and cookbooks instead. I just love deciphering recipes, deconstructing them and making them more healthy. And that is what this is all about – it’s not a diet, it’s a healthy way to live.

I want to ride my bicycle
I just love, love, love my bike. I really do. I like to ride to the beach on Saturday morning, ride my bike to my friends’ homes, ride to the store and the library, and ride around just for fun. The weather has been great here and that only inspires me to get out and ride even more. My morning rides are the hardest to convince myself of, but when I do get peddling, the music in my ears and a fresh cup of juice or a smoothie when I get back really bring it all together. I feel so much better about myself when I ride. Since I can’t walk much, it is one of the only ways I can get mobile. My boss even gave me a harnessed pouch for Finnegan to ride in when I go out riding. I’ve thought about riding up to Georgie’s in the evening for cocktails since I will have to stick to one and not feel too guilty about the calories. We’ll see about that later. Future adventures include: the Saturday Morning Market downtown, visiting Michelle and Renee (both are just a few miles more) and maybe one day go all the way to Guy’s.
Santa baby

Made this when I was three - aren't you impressed???

Christmas was simple this year. I wasn’t able to give very much, if anything since money is pretty tight, but I was blessed with several treats. Ronn gave me a bottle of vodka accompanied by a bottle of deliciously spiced olives. That was my Christmas morning treat – a spicy martini to go with the healthy egg white omelet and tomatoes. Michelle shared with me a set of espresso cups and saucers from her grandmother and homemade marinara and cranberry sauce that she canned. Guy made it a Warholiday with a money tray in Andy style and a pink martini ornament for my pink Christmas tree. Heidi shared her generosity with my kids by getting the kitties some cat nip balls and Finnegan a squeaky toy. I just love how she always thinks of the pets during the holidays. Patty gave me a flask, though it only holds six ounces (HA) because she knows me so well. I know that will definitely get a lot of use. I always feel blessed when people share gifts with me, even if it is stuff that I never considered, I still am grateful since no one really has to do it. Plus, my friends are the same way since they appreciate anything that is given to them and they teach their kids this too, since just being kin is a gift.

Finnegan Begin Again
I waited 35 years to get a puppy for Christmas and it finally happened. Finn is still with his mommy and grandma since he isn’t weaned. It will be about 4 more weeks until he comes home to me. I have been visiting him at least once a week and even held him all night on New Year’s Eve. It was a quiet end to the year. Ronn joined me over at Patty and Jim’s where we sat out back, drank champagne and held puppies – what could be more magical? My first kiss of the new year was Finn with his sour puppy breath and newly opened eyes to see how much I love him. I am so excited to be a new mommy.

Kids in America

Dancing to "They Don't Know About Us" by Tracey Ullman

I ended the year dancing with my dear friends Patty and Tuttie to old 80s tunes and began 2009 dancing with Renee and Malika to reggae/hip hop favorites. I just love to dance, but don’t get the chance much. Being a goth kid in high school and college limited my dance moves though I have always loved dancing around the house. That is where it ended since I felt clumsy with my weight and lost with all the choreography. But that is all changing. Malika was showing me how to belly dance and Renee shared some of her Jamaican moves getting me up and running and I didn’t care how I looked, as long as I was having fun. So that is one of my new year’s goals – to dance more just for fun. Plus it is great exercise. Dexy's Dancing!!

Hot Hot Hot
For my new adventure in 2009 I got a new haircut. It isn’t too different from before and is even a recollection of a few years ago with short curls framing my face. I love it an am so excited with my new look. 2009 has so much possibility! Plus I have the perfect accessory for my new look - FINN!

And one sad note. On December 20, Jerry Taylor was murdered. Jerry and I worked together for several years. Though not close, we shared many laughs in boring meetings. As circumstances would have it, I spotted him a few months ago at my new place of business and found it a touch comforting to see someone from the old stomping grounds. He was an innocent victim of a deranged psychopath who also murdered Beth Evans, his ex-wife and a friend of Jerry’s. We weren’t close, but it still keeps me struck with sadness to think how this vibrant man and loving father will not longer be there to bring light into his daughter’s eyes.

Song List

I have been spending my mornings, two so far, riding my bike. I thought it was toast since it had been over a year since I rode and the tires were flatter than flat. But in the despair of having to move my body the other night I pumped up the tires and set loose. This morning I went out for about 30 minutes and explored the adjacent neighborhoods checking out the menagerie of different era homes and landscaping (all big in my sights with the re-dos I am in the process of doing.) Trees are filled with tangerines and oranges and snowless lawns sparkle instead with sweated dew.

I let the iPod pick the tunes and it really did a fine job starting me off with Alive and Kicking (Simple Minds) which got my blood flowing and the burn in my thighs ignited. Respect (Aretha) set me on my path, in yes a clichéd way, as to why I am working so hard to take care of myself. This Corrosion (Sisters of Mercy) sent me to those nights spent in the clubs and finding my niche with the night people (so not me now). As I started to slow down, Rock This Town strung me up to pump even harder and Brian Setzer’s sexy jazz voice made me remember that I used to love dancing to this beat. The iPod then chose Electric Barbarella (Duran Duran) showcased the damned desire for perfection that some people seek no matter how shallow. My mood started to falter as the endorphins seemed to rise and fall (I didn’t know they would do that when one was still in the throws of exercise) and Natural One (Folk Implosion) revved me up again with a drum beat to die for. Finally to slow down, but not pass out In Bloom (Nirvana) rang through my ears and let me work into my day nicely.

All in all, it was a wonderful experience. I felt very alive, very fit and even a bit thinner just taking care of myself. I think this will be a new habit and I wonder what the iPod gods have in store for my ears and soul tomorrow.

Focused

Keeping busy and keeping focused are now my two hobbies. It’s been a week and I feel a bit better since these two companions have kept me at ease, at least the past couple of days. I am focused on creating a healthy and tasty diet and am more focused on what I eat, writing down each portion and being conscious of how I feel before, during and after a meal. It is hard work, but it keeps my mind off of other things and in tune with the future. I shared my new plan with Wayne and Renee and they gushed with enthusiasm first telling me how great I was anyway and then saying how proud of me they were. This will help me stick to it since they believe in me.

I am focused on exercising and staying in motion, keeping busy riding my bike in the morning (takes the place of crying) and working out at the gym after work (tired muscles make everything sort of Zen). I am adopting a new habit of finding fun ways to exercise like riding my bike to Renee’s or downtown to have lunch; going to more of the classes offered at my gym – mainly yoga and body sculpt; riding my bike or walking before work since it feels fresh and crisp and wasn’t something I could do when I wasn’t alone. I even danced around the house yesterday to my teenage favorites creating sort of an 80s new wave/punk aerobics routine. Got to be careful with the ankle though.

I am focused on creating a couple knitted gifts. I am not doing Christmas gifts this year since money is tight all over and I only can knit so much. Instead I am working on a piece for the family gift exchange and a couple overdue birthday gifts. It keeps my hands busy as I watch TV. The TV and Netflix helps me think about something other than my situation so I can only watch sci-fi, comedies (non romantic), adventures, documentaries, crime biographies and cooking shows.

I am focused on finishing Twilight. I am struggling and feel very left out since it seems to be like crack for everyone else who reads it. Edward, the main character, is romance times a thousand and that is a bit hard to handle, but I am going to muddle through, especially since there is supposed to be a big payoff in the end. It keeps me busy as I dive into this green world of vampires, average girls and high school. Honestly, if this was around when I was 16, I would have been all over it since I would have loved a hot young vampire as a boyfriend.

I think that I will go to the Artfest in Safety Harbor this weekend by myself to get back into that mode and maybe spend Saturday downtown getting to know my surroundings again and getting a good ride and walk in. I need to have some sort of schedule or I may become anxious about these changes. I may even cut my hair to further accentuate the change in me.

And all of this seems to be working well. I ignore the love songs, the news of impending doom and the empty words in my head putting me down. Instead I stay focused and ready and upbeat. That in itself is a pretty big job, but someone has to do it.

Taking it Off

I stepped off the limb and took the plunge into who I want to be. I have always fought with my weight and tried so many ways to lose the excess pounds. I always felt alone doing it and I think that is why I failed. Now as my friends get older, I am not alone in my quest or my anticipation of success.

To make it stick even more, I joined Weight Watchers today. I had done a very old WW plan more than 20 years ago and lost 40 pounds, plus the 150 from the ex-boyfriend who dumped me right before. I am at a similar crossroads. So I decided to just do it and treat myself. I love challenges and am excited about using my cooking skills to feed myself as the pounds shed away. Plus I got my bike up and running again tonight, a temporary fix since I think I need new tubes, but my short night-time ride was exhilarating. I am looking forward to tomorrow morning and going for a ride before work to get my blood (and metabolism) in gear.

I am hoping that WW will also give me the support of others to help me through this. It’s hard being alone and struggling with this, but I feel deep down that this is my time. I even made a vision board with images of working-out, healthy and slimmer versions of myself. The other half of that is to keep a positive attitude, which I am usually pretty good at. With just these two goal, I know I can succeed this year since usually I have several goals and only successfully complete two , so now I am on the right track.

It is an exciting time and I finally feel like I can be happy again. That could be the walks, rides and strength training I have been doing all weekend to combat the bad feelings. I am treating this like a part-time job, planning out what to eat for the week, how to keep it lively and how to adapt to any situation. I already feel thinner and healthier inside. I can also feel some of my old soul coming back, the part that housed hope.

Veggie Tales - Day 13

It’s not a big shocker to those of you that know me that I have always had a big problem with my weight. Being as I am now at an age that I need to lose it or get stuck with it forever, I have been trying things to go it alone and make it work. No good. Most of my friends do not have weight problems so they don’t really get it. Patty can drink beer every day and Shepherd’s Pie and be as petite as ever. Tuttie could dine on chips and beer each evening an nothing will ever move on her scale. But I could think about a chocolate chip cookie (and there it happened again) gain a pound.

It’s not that I don’t like to eat healthy, I love veggies and fish and chicken, but I love them so much I can’t stop eating. It is all portion control and being around people who dine almost solely on the bad foods. So I am following the Weight Watchers point system, good or bad, I feel it is the healthiest plan and I pray it works this time.

My silver lining lies in the fact that I love the foods that are healthy for me and I love to cook. Weight Watchers allows me to eat what I like, even the “bad” stuff, but to count it. So far the hardest thing for me to give up is cocktails. But I have found that Roobis Tea with Lemongrass is a nice drink for the end of the day. I just try to keep myself busy so I get tired around sunset and there you go – no drink needed.

Ronn eats completely different things than me, but I have decided to put myself first so that I can feel better and get thinner. And since my weight has been a bit of a problem for him, he will understand the measures I must take.

So I salute the veggies that lay before me. One trick I have found is to cut up all the snack veggies when I get them and put them in Tupperware. This way I can fill a quart bag each day for work and gnosh on that. (Oh and I am still working on this, since I have been doing this for two weeks and really hate them now.)

New mantra: I am very thankful that I love veggies! I am very thankful that I love veggies! UGH!

Let the truth be told - Day 13

It has been one month since my birthday. All the goals I had aligned for myself for this immaculately incredible year have had one month to stew. And that is about all they did. Sit in a pot, simmer and really only create a thick stock of theories with no real substance. Great if you aren’t feeling well, but not enough to feed the mighty.
I had set about with only 3 goals in mind. A purging if you will of the spirit and body to go into a new decade being better than ever. I need to get cracking.
My first task is to lose 50 pounds or so. A lot I know. Else being that my health could be at stake in later years and that I am losing confidence in my physical self, so I need to do something about it. Scoping out my options and finding all the crazes just for crazies, I have reserved myself to the tried and true – eat less and healthier and exercise more. Not at a loss for healthy good food choices, it is the portion control than needs to be stabilized. As well as the cocktail parties. Being social has quite a price. But all in all I know I can do it. My ankles have given me problems lately (old Marathon injuries), but that is on the docket to be looked at by a professional. I am on my way.
Another job I have laid at my own feet was to dispel myself and my abode of 20 years of junk. One woman’s crap is another woman’s treasure --- and ladies, I have lots of treasure. My garage and home are filled with trinkets of faded memories that need to be released to good homes. I am ebaying, garage selling and just giving it away. I want it out and if I can make some extra cash – better yet.
Finally my last conquest for this year is the steps I am taking to being financially independent. Through multiple streams of income, including selling things, freelance, photography, massage and what ever else suits one to pay me for my services, I will become my own boss – hopefully in a year or two’s time. The notion of pushing it out is appealing most recently since I have decided to re-do the bathroom, kitchen and patio of my home which will swallow a bit of these new resources, but it is well worth it. After that, home in order, yard an urban sprawl jungle, I will be ready to spend my time at home again and live a bit closer to my bone.
So as of this month – Nothing lost on the weight gain, a few items sold on ebay, but ramping up for the mega sale of the century and baby steps to setting up my photographs for sale and a freelance gig to boot.
Wish me luck.