Dog Day One

Today is my first day as a puppy mommy and I suppose it is pretty average, for me. I am carrying him one one hip (he cries when I put him down), I chase him around to make sure there are not accidents, I am working too and planning a party for tomorrow - Just an average day.
I wonder how long it will take until he can open a beer or make a martini. Oh and by the way - can you tell I am in love and becoming one of THOSE kinds of dog people??? I already have outfits picked out. I wanted to get him some of the Playboy gear I saw at Beall's Outlet, but it was pink and girlie. Ronn asked if I was wanting to make him gay. I replied that in a few weeks he won't be gay or straight - just neutered. (But I will hold off on the pink - yet the red shirt with the black Playboy logo and the word "STUD" was right up his alley. )

Nine Jobs to Ponder

This week’s Writer’s Digest challenge is to write an essay about what you would do if you were laid off right now. Instead of getting upset and panicking, what job would you do if you had the freedom to do it. I had this thought when I was laid off and played with ideas for things I would like to do if money and time were no object. I never acted on them, but for an hour or so it was nice to dream. So today at my one year anniversary at this particular stop in my life, in no particular order, here are 9 jobs I would love to attempt if I got laid off today:

*Ghost writer---A couple years ago, when I was laid off, I got addicted for a week to bad autobiographies, my favorites being Pete Burns and Jodie Marsh (both recent attractions from Celebrity Big Brother 4.) Both books definitely had the sound of the “author’s” voice, but I knew that neither of these D-List celebs actually took the time to put pen to paper. Jodie’s especially sounded like her with an airheaded tone and self-absorbed condescension in each word that I imagined her collagen bursting lips. But wouldn’t it be fun to get to know these people and showcase their “talents” as writers? I would love some low-level starlet or has-been rock star as the topic to poke and prod with questions crafted from lame Internet articles. To quietly live their lives in the background for a week or so (I figured it wouldn’t take long to get 200 pages down) and then watch them on the talk show circuit saying how they slaved as I got 20 percent.

*Cook for a small café---Perfect case scenario: I get hired to help out in a small café downtown doing lunch and dinners for local foodies and the occasional tourist who adores food. I start crafting some of my own delights, cooking for the throngs and bargaining with the suppliers finding only the best products for my customers. It would be whatever attracted me, soup today, salad tomorrow and muffins. Plus comfort foods, casseroles, roast chickens, exotic veggies and chocolates. I would pick the wines, beers and cocktails all with no respect to cost since the owner would be raking it in with a full house every night. I would be the Cinderella story with no professional background, just doing what I love. I could score a cookbook deal from it and maybe even a guest shot on the Food Network. And maybe a date with Tyler Florence.

*Purse designer---So far my designs have been appreciated by friends, but I have thought of expanding to include the general public, but for now the cost isn’t too effective for selling, even in the finest boutiques. Each purse takes about 15 to 20 hours to knit and then the sewing and inspiration take time as well. I would love to spend my days knitting, but after 8 hours a day I know I would regret this choice. If I could sell one or two a week, maybe I would appreciate this expression inside of me. I yet have the pull to make one for me since now other projects are coming to light, but soon.

*Massage therapist for cancer patients---I started thinking about this when I was in massage school. I thought about how nice it would be for those afflicted with cancer to receive a gentle touch after all the poking they usually get when they receive treatment. There are a few forms of therapy that are used for patients and a local hospital, Morton Plant/Mease, is one of the most esteemed cancer centers in the world and they have therapists who use therapeutic touch for cancer treatment. I have been thinking more and more about it since the regular massage field is so oversaturated that it is almost impossible to make a decent living (unless you provide some happier endings than other therapists.) It is still a thought, with the emphasis being now on getting the training which isn’t too cheap. Why does it always come back to cash?

*Party planner---This is a fantasy job, though from watching the witches on TV, I don’t think my kinder sensibilities would help me excel. But I do love planning a party. I love picking a theme, making a menu, doing invitations and decorating. Of course as a professional, I would need to hire a staff, get some PR rolling and deal with divas. On a smaller scale, would be birthday parties for spoiled brats, Sweet 16 parties to rival coronations and, of course, debutante-like soirees for Botox-enhanced, figure-altered trophy wives. But then again that could be fun. Maybe I could interest them in “penning” an autobiography I could write.

*Porn film writer---Being that I am only one county away from one of the hottest adult-film industry locals, it is a thought that crossed my mind. Pasco County has its share of “stars” and “starlets” and it seems ripe, even in this economy to take my pick in the industry. Of course, I wouldn’t want to do the average “movie.” I have thought about writing films that stimulate both men and women with lots of hot sex and action paired with romance and story. What a novel idea. I figured it would suit both minds and make a new field for the industry. Sort of like a historic romance novel meets the Happy Hooker. As a huge fan of well-written (and not so well-written) erotica, I could see this catching on. Add to it cookbooks for the dinner before and novels to go along with 3 or 4 page chapters, I think this could work. But where would I begin?

*Wine store clerk---Take another love of mine, well make that two or even three, and let me sip as well and I could be very happy. I used to study wine with vintages, varietals and tasting notes to share with my friends in a wine club that we had created. I would research the wines and write notes on them for every one to enjoy and even considered doing a Web site (with Mich’s help), but the group fell apart and my tastes changed when I no longer really had a pal to wax poetic about wine with. But I did think it would be great to research and teach others all while pairing the wines with food and meeting new folks to hang with (never know who could be there????) There is a local shop that I used to frequent weekly getting to know some of the other patrons and staff, but as my wallet got lighter so did my tastes, plus I felt like a desperate single chick going there alone with all the old men and couples.

*Travel writer---I love to travel. I love to write. So what could be better? Plus I could get it paid for. I would write about the locale, the food, the experience and take notes for a variety of travelers to enjoy. I jotted down notes in my journal while on my various trips, but never spent the time refining their style. Yet I would love to share my food experiences cooking in Tuscany, the plethora of things to do in Portland, eating cheese and wine on a train from Amsterdam to Brussels, walking around Paris alone and loving it, sitting on the cabin porch in the woods listening to nature speak, searching for the perfect shell on Sanibel Island and so much more. Though I would get tired of not being home, especially with my new addition, I could maybe cut paths for dog lovers in the travel world.

*Photographer---I have been taking pictures as a thrilling hobby since I was 13 and I am pretty good at it. I have been told by two separate photogs that my work is extraordinary and rivals some who have studied, with a natural sense of seeing and a simple lack of too much technical knowledge. Even with the advent of digital and the fun and ease it provides, I still love my 35mm Minolta and film. Those little mistakes are genius sometimes and I always saw the photo in my head perfectly before it was ever developed. I am trying to fall in love with my digital, but it isn’t the same, sort of like a first love-though I had to move on and I appreciate the simplicity of the newer model, there isn’t anything like the first. “The First Cut Is The Deepest.”

What would you do??

Ladybugs DO Bite

Renee told me today that she once was bitten by a ladybug. I scoffed thinking and feeling that these peaceful creatures would never bite. Yes, they do gobble up aphids like tourists at a Las Vegas buffet, but not a person, especially not a kind person. She must have done something to provoke the spotted beetle to sinking its teeth into her. But even then, I was not a believer that they even had teeth to sink into flesh with.

So she looked it up. And she was right. The Asian ladybug is known for small bites that feel like cat’s claws. Scientists believe that the bugs do this to extract salt from the skin. Since they don’t have tongues they need to do it some other way and therefore the nibble. This made me think of the salt sucking people on the old Star Trek series. Not sure why, but that episode always sticks out. Probably because we only had 3 channels of TV when I was young and Star Trek reruns were a staple on the local independent station.

What brought us to ladybugs were my reflections of the weekend. Saturday night I had single girl night. So I made some heavy choices. I said no to self pity, no to drowning my sorrows and no to treating myself badly. Instead I made a nice dinner of something he wouldn’t have liked anyway – bar-b-que chicken and “fried” green tomatoes. Recently he hasn’t liked much that I made so I knew he was moving away from me. I got a great bad book to read – Sidney Sheldon’s Bloodline and spent the evening getting lost in that powerful world while cozying up to the kitties.

At about 150 pages I drew the line and switched to TV for entertainment. This is where we get back on track with ladybugs. I watched one of my favorite girlie films, Under the Tuscan Sun. For those of you not aware, there is a woman in the film who is the eccentric and loves wearing hats and being passionately in love with the boy of the hour. She tells the whining Diane Lane that she needs to stop being so sad about being dumped and alone. She shares her story of being a little girl who wanted to catch ladybugs, but the more she looked she couldn’t find them. She became so tired that she took a nap in a field and woke up covered in these little specks of joy (not the biting ones I presume.) The metaphor of the ladybugs and love didn’t go wasted on Lane or me. When Diane meets a dashing Italian gent who sweeps her off her feet she joyfully tells her romantic mentor that she has found, “Lots and lots of ladybugs” the feeling grew in me too, as hope. Of course he says it is too difficult for their relationship and finds another chickie to charm leaving Lane hurt once again. At the end of the movie (spoiler alert) she is resting in her garden during a wedding and a handsome American writer picks a ladybug off her dress and they live happily ever after.

So the tale of ladybugs. Of course it seems, I always seem to get the biting kind, especially right in the ass.