Friday, September 12, 2008

Sleeping is a Thankless Job - 29th

My week has been so hectic with all the right brain crap (or is it left brain??) focusing on organizing, managing, editing and numbers. Everyone is riled up at work with a big Marketing Summit that is coming up next month and I am in the deep doo doo with my part now. On top of that I am still working on getting past my breakup, stylizing my life back to where I want it and starting a new one. So you can see why one of my favorite things to do, sleep, is evading me.
It’s not like insomnia. I sleep, I just don’t truly slumber like I used to. I figure this too shall pass, but it is one of my favorite past times. I have always loved to sleep. Some people are more energized and have a draw to go go go, but I like a balance leaning towards the effortlessness of sleep. Sure I get to do a lot of that when I’m dead, but I won’t be conscious then so I won’t really enjoy it.
My morning ritual used to be thanking God, Universe (insert deity here) every morning for my sleep, my comfy bed, the snugglable pillows and the climate-controlled environment of my boudoir. I sort of got away from that, but a reprisal is in order. Sleeping for me is the time that I can not only rest from life, but come up with something new. Usually I am spry in the mornings, well-rested and ready for the day. I wake up plenty early for work and spend such time making coffee, reading, writing, cleaning and doing what I want to do before I got to work and do what they want me to do for 8 hours.
But lately, my sleep hasn’t been consistent. I do the old tricks of telling myself a story in visual form right when I close my eyes. It’s a two-shotter of calming me down to rest and of visualizing what I want and where I see myself in the future. I envision my house being done, some details and how I am taking care of myself. I concentrate, not too hard to disturb rest, about what the man in my life will be like. I list all his qualities and feel what that love and companionship will be like. I snuggle up to my pillows and sometimes feel him next to me. Then I am off to dream world. This has worked at my initial entrance to the dream lord’s kingdom, but at 3 or 4 in the morning, it just keeps rambling.
So I try other things like breathing and meditation, nada. This is usually when I get up refusing to just lay there when I could be doing something. A plan like this is no problem when you’re not working or don’t have many other responsibilities, but when you do it sucks, since at about 1 p.m. you start to fade and that is not a good thing.
So I tossed and turned last night, thanking my higher power for my bed, pillows, etc and hoping, like the optimist I am, to sleep. Well it didn’t work and that is why I am writing now and yawning of all things. Too late to catch another hour which will only make me more tired so I just have to up the caffeine, suck it up and visualize myself in bed tonight when I get home, in daylight or not.
Oh to sleep, perchance to dream – but I’m not asking for it all. To sleep would suit me just fine.

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