My week has been so hectic with all the right brain crap (or is it left brain??) focusing on organizing, managing, editing and numbers. Everyone is riled up at work with a big Marketing Summit that is coming up next month and I am in the deep doo doo with my part now. On top of that I am still working on getting past my breakup, stylizing my life back to where I want it and starting a new one. So you can see why one of my favorite things to do, sleep, is evading me.
It’s not like insomnia. I sleep, I just don’t truly slumber like I used to. I figure this too shall pass, but it is one of my favorite past times. I have always loved to sleep. Some people are more energized and have a draw to go go go, but I like a balance leaning towards the effortlessness of sleep. Sure I get to do a lot of that when I’m dead, but I won’t be conscious then so I won’t really enjoy it.
My morning ritual used to be thanking God, Universe (insert deity here) every morning for my sleep, my comfy bed, the snugglable pillows and the climate-controlled environment of my boudoir. I sort of got away from that, but a reprisal is in order. Sleeping for me is the time that I can not only rest from life, but come up with something new. Usually I am spry in the mornings, well-rested and ready for the day. I wake up plenty early for work and spend such time making coffee, reading, writing, cleaning and doing what I want to do before I got to work and do what they want me to do for 8 hours.
But lately, my sleep hasn’t been consistent. I do the old tricks of telling myself a story in visual form right when I close my eyes. It’s a two-shotter of calming me down to rest and of visualizing what I want and where I see myself in the future. I envision my house being done, some details and how I am taking care of myself. I concentrate, not too hard to disturb rest, about what the man in my life will be like. I list all his qualities and feel what that love and companionship will be like. I snuggle up to my pillows and sometimes feel him next to me. Then I am off to dream world. This has worked at my initial entrance to the dream lord’s kingdom, but at 3 or 4 in the morning, it just keeps rambling.
So I try other things like breathing and meditation, nada. This is usually when I get up refusing to just lay there when I could be doing something. A plan like this is no problem when you’re not working or don’t have many other responsibilities, but when you do it sucks, since at about 1 p.m. you start to fade and that is not a good thing.
So I tossed and turned last night, thanking my higher power for my bed, pillows, etc and hoping, like the optimist I am, to sleep. Well it didn’t work and that is why I am writing now and yawning of all things. Too late to catch another hour which will only make me more tired so I just have to up the caffeine, suck it up and visualize myself in bed tonight when I get home, in daylight or not.
Oh to sleep, perchance to dream – but I’m not asking for it all. To sleep would suit me just fine.
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