Wednesday, October 8, 2008

It’s Raining Money

This is how I felt about us leaving this little bit of paradise - Bound up by a world I just don't want to be in anymore.

Up to this point every day was sunny and bright with a perfect temperature, but a little rain was due. Even rainy days are needed and on our trip it gave the perfect excuse to spend the day indoors. At the cabin it was only dripping through the trees, but the creek was rushing with a loud dose of white noise. From the front porch swing it sounded almost violent and mechanical like streaming cars on a freeway. I could have stayed there all day taking brief interludes in the hot tub when the rain allowed, but we decided to get going since it was our last day.

The contrast of the rushing water, the cool air and the slowed pace of this hovel in the woods made me feel like I belonged.
We took this opportunity to go to Harrah’s Casino, on the reservation. I have only been to two gambling places; Vegas and a boat somewhere in Indiana. Now Vegas is fun with lots to do and see. This was more subtle. The clientele were experts at this kind of gambling and I was a complete novice so when I lost my first $1.50 on video poker I stopped since I didn’t have anyone to ask how to play and make it worth my while.

Striking out on new adventures against a bright blue sky, I still have hope when it comes to overwhelming happiness and know one day I will find my place.

I like watching people gambling when it is all there in your face, but this was video blackjack with no sound or smell of cards which made it a bit boring. I wandered around the casino and hotel killing time.

The rain and the thought of the last day really gripped me and I broke out in tears as we watched TV that night. I didn’t want to pack or leave. The self pity raged through me and I wished that I had a different life where I could take my time on vacation and just be. Don’t get me wrong, I love my home and kitties, but I wanted to stay just for another day or two, but that wasn’t to be.

Like tears, rushing away, but pooled to feed.

Resigning myself that this time I had to go back, I started working on a plan for my next trip and for all the ease of those trips after that one since I hope to not be on anyone else’s timetable by then. Wish me luck!