Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Got To Have Da Funk – Day 5

I was in a bit of a funk all day. Waking up at 4:30 a.m., I felt a sense of dread that lingered throughout the morning. The weight of the world, literally, rested on my shoulders. More than 100,000 people dead in just 10 days. With a cyclone and its aftermath in Myanmar, tornadoes in the Midwest, an earthquake in China and wildfires in Florida, it was no wonder my mind raced with devastation.

Even a morning shower and make-up couldn’t spackle away the pockets of emptiness I felt. The ringing toxin of finality created a void within me, and I longed to cry and release it. I am thankful it wasn’t empathy or I would have been a wreck. Lost in not knowing what to do, if anything at all, I resolved myself to let this too pass. Peaceful and blank, I worked through my morning tasks and routine reeling from this sudden feeling of doubt.

Lodged in my psyche was hope, a spring that bubbles, sometimes hidden, eternal. Without it I wouldn’t be here. Comfortable in my normalcy without any major catastrophes to withstand, I set about to find the things that are good. In my capitulation to those things I can not control, I felt confident in discovering the blessings around me and those things I was most thankful for.

This was easier said than done. My shining immortal soul took a poop all over my optimism and made a very stinky mess. To distill my blues, or just ignore them, I finished listening to The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay. I really liked it and am making that a suggestion for my book club. The emptiness left by finishing the book had me jonesing for something else to keep my mind busy and intact. I chose to listen to The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die, not incredibly light reading, but interesting and informative.

The premise is that after asking several hundreds of people between the ages of 60 and 106, the author found five similar themes than ran across this gamut of wisdom.

Be true to yourself.
Leave no regrets.
Become love.
Live the moment.
Give more than you take.

It really wasn’t the best tool to procure my freedom from the moodiness that is staking claim to me right now, but the menagerie of wisdom in these short sentences are along my path. The Universe must have heard my whispers since they gave me something to pull me out.

Maybe, what I need is a Petunia break. Now I feel better.
<<- Petunia

None of these photos are from today - but they are from my own archive and sum up what I am feeling.

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