Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Thank You - Day 21

I wasn't my normal self yesterday. I am overtired, overworked and overpessimistic, plus I think I have a fever. It is days like this that overshadow all the wonders I have in my life. I have to force myself to wake up and see all the good things and be grateful for it all. This is work. It’s so much easier to get pissy and complain that I am overtired because I have to work so much since I don’t have someone to take care of me financially, overworked because in order to live at the standard I live at – which is not a Rockefeller – I have to work and not be a lady who lunches, I get pessimistic since I relinquish myself to be runover by my foul mood. Blah!
So there. I gave the negative side its turn to spout off, now the real me can emerge.
I am grateful for my health. I have eyes that can read wondrous pages, fingers to write and type my own tales, a mouth to taste kisses and chocolate and ears to hear “I love you” several times a day.
I am grateful to be able to appreciate beauty in nature, people, actions and things. I saw a pink and blue sky this morning as I lay in bed, a sunflower as I went off to work.
I am thankful for my job. Though it is only a stepping stone to what I will one day do full-time, it works well giving me challenges to hone my writing skills, creatively helping me muster the courage to do more and giving me acquaintances that share some of my own thoughts while expanding them.
I am grateful for my intellect, curiosity and creativity. I have been blessed with a quick mind and quick wit that sometimes gets me into trouble and sometimes out of it. I have had to make do on many occasions and yet I always come out on top thanks to my mind and spirit working in unison. My love of learning (about anything) has helped me make friends of all kinds since my interests vary so much.
I am thankful for my friends. Those ladies and gentlemen are the world to me. Though we don’t always agree and have many different habits, there is no judgment or if there is it is face-to-face and followed by “whatever, it’s your life. If you need anything I will always be there.” That is true friendship.They are more than friends, but mentors and role models that have been through it all. When they say they understand, they really do and yet they laugh now at how far they have come.
I am grateful for my kitties, especially Misha. He came to me as a gift and opened my heart when it was crumbling. Now I am the crazy-cat lady with a load of kitties in my backyard from two particular litters. I love them all and debate whether to take the feral out of them, but so far my pleasure is feeding them and watching them at play.
I am also especially grateful for Guy. My best friend. We fight like brother and sister with laughter usually ending it. His wit is astounding and it conquers all. Our relationship has withstood illness, unemployment, death, taxes, cross-country trips and plain persnicketiness. He is one of the greatest gifts I ever received.
I am grateful for my home and what I have made of it. I took a big step in buying my own home 9 years ago, but it has become my refuge. I love it. Even all the issues and inconveniences are minor when I proudly boast it is mine and all mine. This took some doing since all around me there were women telling me how wrong it was to buy a house on my own – but I played by my own rules and am glad I did.
I am grateful for my history because it gives me a great story to write. Going through what I went through has not only made me a better person today, but has created so much character that I amaze myself when I look back at my pain. The fire of mental illness, destitution, suicide, loneliness and abandonment burned me to the core, but when this phoenix was reborn I learned to stand on my own feet. It’s not romantic, and it is hard sometimes, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I am grateful for my family. My mother taught me to be independent and to strive. My siblings taught me to stand on my own two feet and my dad made sure that happened.
I am thankful for my spirituality. My faith in the power of love and the power within myself is what keeps me sane. By following simple steps to connect closer to the Universe, like writing a list of what I am grateful for, I am made whole. It is definitely a Zen gift.

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