Keeping busy and keeping focused are now my two hobbies. It’s been a week and I feel a bit better since these two companions have kept me at ease, at least the past couple of days. I am focused on creating a healthy and tasty diet and am more focused on what I eat, writing down each portion and being conscious of how I feel before, during and after a meal. It is hard work, but it keeps my mind off of other things and in tune with the future. I shared my new plan with Wayne and Renee and they gushed with enthusiasm first telling me how great I was anyway and then saying how proud of me they were. This will help me stick to it since they believe in me.
I am focused on exercising and staying in motion, keeping busy riding my bike in the morning (takes the place of crying) and working out at the gym after work (tired muscles make everything sort of Zen). I am adopting a new habit of finding fun ways to exercise like riding my bike to Renee’s or downtown to have lunch; going to more of the classes offered at my gym – mainly yoga and body sculpt; riding my bike or walking before work since it feels fresh and crisp and wasn’t something I could do when I wasn’t alone. I even danced around the house yesterday to my teenage favorites creating sort of an 80s new wave/punk aerobics routine. Got to be careful with the ankle though.
I am focused on creating a couple knitted gifts. I am not doing Christmas gifts this year since money is tight all over and I only can knit so much. Instead I am working on a piece for the family gift exchange and a couple overdue birthday gifts. It keeps my hands busy as I watch TV. The TV and Netflix helps me think about something other than my situation so I can only watch sci-fi, comedies (non romantic), adventures, documentaries, crime biographies and cooking shows.
I am focused on finishing Twilight. I am struggling and feel very left out since it seems to be like crack for everyone else who reads it. Edward, the main character, is romance times a thousand and that is a bit hard to handle, but I am going to muddle through, especially since there is supposed to be a big payoff in the end. It keeps me busy as I dive into this green world of vampires, average girls and high school. Honestly, if this was around when I was 16, I would have been all over it since I would have loved a hot young vampire as a boyfriend.
I think that I will go to the Artfest in Safety Harbor this weekend by myself to get back into that mode and maybe spend Saturday downtown getting to know my surroundings again and getting a good ride and walk in. I need to have some sort of schedule or I may become anxious about these changes. I may even cut my hair to further accentuate the change in me.
And all of this seems to be working well. I ignore the love songs, the news of impending doom and the empty words in my head putting me down. Instead I stay focused and ready and upbeat. That in itself is a pretty big job, but someone has to do it.