Smoke Anyone - Day 18

I actually started working on my new freelance job today. I am writing Web copy for a cigar company. Sort of fitting for my location and all, and it pays well. I used to smoke, but I quite about 10 years ago and can’t stand it. But I must confess these descriptions with their smoky notes and ripe fruit essences makes me want a cigar. This hopefully will go on for a couple months – the job, not the temptation.
It’s all for a good cause, a new kitchen and bathroom. I am not a big credit person, so I want to have the cash handy when I am ready, therefore weekends and evenings devoted to working. Sometimes I wish I would have married well – and divorced better - so I wouldn’t have to do this. But then again, I have always been an independent soul and like the pride I get from knowing, “I did it”.
So I tapped away on the computer and tried to get used to my new laptop. Yes, I am getting a wireless mouse for it since I hate the thumb thing. Too slow for me.
But all work and no play makes Patrica a dull girl and I would never allow that. Boring equals death to me, so I had to have some fun. Inspired by the film last night, I got all gussied up in Ronn’s favorite dress, gave him a nice shower, fed him homemade pizza (leftovers from the one he made a couple nights ago) and then an afternoon to make Samantha proud.
Now it’s back to work as he naps while “watching” golf and I mindlessly type away.

A Private Tour of My Sex and The City – Day 17

No this is not a guided tour of all the places I have had sex in this town. Though that would be fun, but I have friends who have even more exciting tours to tell about. No, this is about my night out with Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha.

Last night was the opening of Sex and the City movie. Since this was, and is, one of my favorite TV shows I just had to be there first night. I went with Renee and some of her friends, all fans. No spoilers here, but I loved it. I feel like I can identify with each woman on screen. Carrie, the writer and a contemporary woman who falls madly in love and learns a bit from it each time; Charlotte with her pristine sensibilities and craving for nice things; Miranda, workaholic, yet woman who appreciates a night just watching TV, though feels most comfortable doing it all; and Samantha, well I remember the slut days of years ago.

One of the main reasons I am so drawn to this show is the friendship factor more than the fashion. To have close friends that would do anything for you at a drop of a hat. Of course, like Movie Romance, their friendship has never fully played out in my life, but I have been blessed with great comradeship. I only speak of sad feelings to a couple friends, either not wanting to burden others or not wanting to leave an open for them to take hold and redirect the misery towards their own lives. Real mothers don’t have time to make a brunch date or want to go out partying anymore. Dressing up is for first dates, which has long passed for some. And to be promiscuous only draws a downward glance from the married folks.

Yet there is a nice feeling of hominess when it is just a couple girls hanging out at home watching TV or out for a simple dinner. I do get some fill with nights out with Guy, but we usually just sip martinis and enjoy people watching instead of making ourselves the center of attention. My clothes are from Target and Dots, with a faux Prada bag to set everything off, yet Payless Shoes never seem to match it.

Watching this film only brought me closer to buying the box set so I can waste away hours watching these women over and over again. I have cried with them, laughed with them, and enjoyed listening in on their girl talk. They are like friends that I only see rarely, but I get their private jokes and appreciate their mistakes.

And then there are the men. Mr. Big. I am not much into Chris Noth (Law and Order), but as Big he is my knight. Her complete love for him and his unacknowledgment. When he realized at the end of the show that he loved her and went to Paris to bring her back, I felt a hope.


So though I may not have the shoes, the wardrobe, the realistic NY apartment, the corral of fabulous and always available friends or the financier lover, what I do have is priceless. I am grateful every day for the gift of friends who are real, a man who I love dearly, clothes that not only keep me from being naked, but fashionable in my own mind, a home that is entirely my own, and a DVD player to keep up with my city girls.
I am so lucky. Absofuckinlutely!!!!

What Could He Be Thinking - Day 16

As I was driving home from work today, I spotted this license tag. At first glance I thought it read "Colon8R" and I giggled. My mind went to a person advertising their business in colonics. He He He. Then I re-read it (the editor in me reads and re-reads, yet I still make mistakes) and saw it read "Colin8R". So I figured it was some guy named Colin who had a weak sense of humor. Since he was also advertising Jimmy Buffet ( a big NO in my book), his limited wit was easy to mark (possibly). Then I noticed it was a girl driving and I was lost.

I just don't get vanity plates. I think it is the term vanity. Yet I have a few friends that have them like Misty who has the tag "Write". She used to be a marketing copywriter, so it fit - both witty and explanatory. I appreciate some since they give me something to read and think about in traffic, but I don't think I could ever get one. Once again back to the vanity title again. Plus what if mine wasn't witty - that would diminish any vanity or ego I have about my creative talents in one simple remark made by a tired woman driving home in her car taking a picture of my tag to blog about. - Huh.

And speaking of.....

I spent the day with one of my bestest friends, Mich, accompanied by Vivi and Lu. Mich and I have been friends for about 12 years and she used to be my boss (or so they told her). 6 words to describe her: chef, mom, artist, compassionate, witty, in-charge. Every time we hang out, anywhere to be exact, there is food involved. Today is Lu's birthday so we had "Mich-made" cheesecake with nutella drizzled on it. It was perfectly creamy, the taste was succulent, rich consistancy and completely satiating. She also sent me home with some pad thai she made.

Vivi is one of my favorite little girls. She has the spit-fire spirit of her mother and even interrupts like her. It is very funny to watch Mich tell Vivi to say "excuse me" and not interrupt, when she is such a culprit herself.

Mich also has one of the most interesting homes. You can't just speed over all the memorabilia on the walls or shelves, it must be savored like these lovely Spanish dancers. Just a guess, but these came from one her grandmothers and probably directly from Spain.

We don't get to spend too much time together, but we are working on that. For my birthday, she gave me a day of her time and I am so ready. My plan is to shop for food, cook it, play in the pool and have cocktails at O'Bistro in the evening. A full, but wonderful day.

I can't exactly recall how we became friends, I think Duran Duran was involved (she gave me the opportunity to meet them - yum), but it has lasted through some hard times. Mich and her family have always opened their hearts and homes to me on many occasions including the most wonderful Christmases with the best Cuban and Italian food, a meltdown or two and the sisterhood of just having a good time. No matter what choices we have made in our lives, our friendship has been one we both hold close to our hearts. I wouldn't want to be on this journey without her and her family.

Thanks Mich!!!

'Cause you gotta have friends - Day 14

It seems that recently I have been inundated with the word “friend” and the concepts behind this mystical term. Almost daily, I seem to attract new people into my life. Some last a few pleasurable moments while others are short enough to not be too disturbing. If there isn’t a future partnership, there may be a great story to be written or told. They could also be a conduit through whose help a likely spirit does appear. I grow with each person I come in contact with though most, I admit, I don’t regard fully enough, while others I disregard entirely and later regret it.

So it seemed like a bit of a self dare to think about what “friend” means to me. Some take the term very seriously, like an honor that should only be doled out to specific persons for specific favors. Others use the term lightly to represent anyone they associate with. Yet there are the differentiators of “work friends”, “old friends”, “new friends”, “Army buddies”, school friends” and “drinking buddies” just to name a few.
I have met people who have “friends” and “those they are friendly with”, as well as some who only bestow the title to those who fit within their conclave of interests, likes/dislikes, or extremes on either end of the spectrum.

I will first add this disclaimer, these are my views which are broad to some and narrow to others, but solely my own. Everyone has what they are comfortable with.

I don’t set out to find people as friends. Customized in my own thoughts and designs, I have had the opportunity to meet people from all walks of life, backgrounds, belief systems and interests. Some people I have a lot in common with, some very little, but on a soulful level they are my friends. And that is the easiest way for me to clarify it – it’s at a soul level, beyond physical or mental or emotional. There are some people who at first glance seem like those who I could be friends with forever, but there is nothing but a passing, like a great one-night stand. But still a few words of small talk have introduced me to people I love. I think of small talk sort of like masturbation - it's entertaining, sometimes fulfilling and is great when shared with another.

These companions have revved-up my life with charming moments that still make me giggle and smile. The connection with them is so tight that even if we don’t talk or e-mail for months, when we do again, it is like no time has passed and we both gush with graciousness for one another.

Some friends were made to come into my life and then go. It was sort of an upgrade for us both. I appreciate the time we spent together and what I learned, but some things are made to be set free, including soulful exchanges. But most have transformed, in a way, with me and that is why some of my friendships are almost 2 decades long. I know that is short for some, but each day is appreciated by me.

I have been enhanced by the broken stereotypes of these people, as well as their involvement in my own oddities. Enriched by each, I look forward to the years to come.

Whether gay, straight, man, woman, married, single, divorced, with kids, without, hippie, diva, princess, dog-lover, cat-lover, teacher, artist, G-man, chef, punk, metal head, traveler, home body, mystic, knitter, retired, corporate, freelance, stay-at-home or drama queen, I proudly stand by them during quarrels with mom, divorce, new children, illness, unemployment, death, life, hopes to come, a happy-hour cocktail, a great meal, a hug and a shoulder to cry on.

That's what friends are for. A toast to you all (I won't even try to name you because I will forget someone and them I am screwed - exit one friend), you know who you are. What is your definition of a friend?

Let the truth be told - Day 13

It has been one month since my birthday. All the goals I had aligned for myself for this immaculately incredible year have had one month to stew. And that is about all they did. Sit in a pot, simmer and really only create a thick stock of theories with no real substance. Great if you aren’t feeling well, but not enough to feed the mighty.
I had set about with only 3 goals in mind. A purging if you will of the spirit and body to go into a new decade being better than ever. I need to get cracking.
My first task is to lose 50 pounds or so. A lot I know. Else being that my health could be at stake in later years and that I am losing confidence in my physical self, so I need to do something about it. Scoping out my options and finding all the crazes just for crazies, I have reserved myself to the tried and true – eat less and healthier and exercise more. Not at a loss for healthy good food choices, it is the portion control than needs to be stabilized. As well as the cocktail parties. Being social has quite a price. But all in all I know I can do it. My ankles have given me problems lately (old Marathon injuries), but that is on the docket to be looked at by a professional. I am on my way.
Another job I have laid at my own feet was to dispel myself and my abode of 20 years of junk. One woman’s crap is another woman’s treasure --- and ladies, I have lots of treasure. My garage and home are filled with trinkets of faded memories that need to be released to good homes. I am ebaying, garage selling and just giving it away. I want it out and if I can make some extra cash – better yet.
Finally my last conquest for this year is the steps I am taking to being financially independent. Through multiple streams of income, including selling things, freelance, photography, massage and what ever else suits one to pay me for my services, I will become my own boss – hopefully in a year or two’s time. The notion of pushing it out is appealing most recently since I have decided to re-do the bathroom, kitchen and patio of my home which will swallow a bit of these new resources, but it is well worth it. After that, home in order, yard an urban sprawl jungle, I will be ready to spend my time at home again and live a bit closer to my bone.
So as of this month – Nothing lost on the weight gain, a few items sold on ebay, but ramping up for the mega sale of the century and baby steps to setting up my photographs for sale and a freelance gig to boot.
Wish me luck.

Lazy, Grazy, Hazy Daze – Day 12

Work has been so crazy and on Thursday, it wasn’t any different. The quarterly magazine goes to press next week so there are a crap load of ads to shoot, write and design. Also another one of the writers is out on her honeymoon, at the busiest time of the month, making each day something like living in a swell of vampires ready to charm you so they can easily suck the life out of you to meet their job requests. I wish I had a knob of garlic.

Gray and hazy outside, it was a day for sleeping or pluking or both. Around 3p.m. I had a sudden feeling of ho-hum that drove into my conscience making me wish I was at home in bed. Thankfully the Universe noticed my despair and offered me something a bit better than sitting at my desk trying to come up with another marketing stream of consciousness. A photo shoot.

One of the teams here is doing an ad for the magazine using a SmartCar. I loved the car, though I have yet to reach a hippy-enough mode to purchase one – I want instead the sports car. It was fun working with the photographer who was giving me some tips about cameras and shooting. He’s really good and always likes to share his expertise. The designer was there, as well and he imparted on me Photoshop techniques that he uses to work smarter, not harder. I need to get Photoshop on my laptop so I can play more instead of being tied to my den.

For the Birds - Day 11

The third Wednesday of every month is Book Club Night. A regular core group of ladies, and on occasion one man, come together at the Purple Moon coffee house in Dunedin and discuss the book they read (or didn’t read, or didn’t finish). Started in October of 2006, the club has rotated leaders and attendees along with a variety of books. Last night’s offering was Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen. Only four people attended, but it is light during the summer since some of the participants are from up north and others are out traveling.
The Purple Moon is a quaint little coffee, book, sandwich shop with a bevy of spiritual items, inspirational pieces, jewelry, music and on certain nights, a psychic or reader. Dunedin, a hip and cool artists’ haven, is where I grew up, though it was nothing like it is now.

I usually have time to kill when I get to town and yesterday I spent it at Dunedin Cemetery. With a certain southern draw, the cemetery rests between two subdivisions and is shadowed by large Spanish moss-covered oaks that sprawl along the “old” section. I have wandered through this place for over 20 years, doing photo shoots, making up stories and exploring the origins of the people laid to rest.
What wasn’t at rest were the peacocks. Screeching like cats in heat, these colorful creatures stalk among the tombstones looking for hand outs from the mourning. A proud male chased me a bit and it was unclear as to whether this was an attack or just a fowl form of panhandling. In the back was an open pen with a group of lady peacocks scratching the ground for something good to eat. At their feet were their broods, all brown, the size of chicklets and following the lead of their mothers. A tricky situation ensued as I got out of the car to capture this moment. The hens wanted nothing of me coming any closer to their babes and let me know with squawks that brought their ravenous male counterparts. Snapping off a few shots, I hopped into the car before I was attacked by this particularly beautiful feathered creature. It wouldn’t have been the first time I had a male dressed in finery and feathers give me hard time, but that’s another story.

If you haven’t been to the Purple Moon, I suggest you go for lunch or a light dinner. Their wraps are fantastic, my favorite being the Mediterranean Wrap with hummus, olives, feta, veggies and turkey it is a treat filled with flavor without being too heavy. Their raspberry tea is perfect as a beverage, but they also serve sangria, domestic and imported beers and a few fine wines.
There desserts range from cookies that are like homemade, but without the cleanup and the leftovers and pies to make you melt --- the perfect accompaniment to a good book, good friends and great conversation.

Water for Elephants is a great read and I suggest it to anyone. It flows easily, draws you in immediately and grabs your empathy from chapter to chapter. I like books that make me feel. We have had a variety in this group, which is one of the reasons I love it so much.

Some I recall off the top of my head are:

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime
Middlesex
Freakonomics
Pillars of the Earth (Which I still have to finish)
The Kite Runner
A Thousand Splendid Suns
Lady Sings the Blues
Eat, Pray, Love (My very Favorite)
Eating Heaven

Our next book is The Next Thing on My List. If anyone has any other suggestions please let me know so I can give them to the group. If you want to join let me know as well.

Rain Rain Rain - Day 10

Finally we have rain. We are in a drought and it is hurting my plants, my spirit and my general sense of well-being. Though I got caught in the rain today going to lunch, neither Chris nor I were going to complain since we need it so badly. Plus we were getting to hang out which is a big plus, we were at our favorite Vietnamese restaurant and he could relive his Dominican Republic trip as he told me all about the wonders of this island nation.
Chris and I have been friends for a few years. We used to work together, though not in the same department, but with our offices almost back-to-back. He was always there to help me with my video projects and any computer question was an easy answer for him. But we just couldn’t get enough of each other, talking for sometimes an hour at a time when we should have been working.
We hang out at the same bar from time to time and both are in love with botanicals; him more than me since he has more knowledge and a partner who is a genius when it comes to plants. He helped me through rough times, inspired me to trek to Portland by myself (guiding me to the Chinese Garden, Powell’s, Moonstruck Chocolates and the Rose Garden via telephone) and is just an all-around nice person. I am lucky to call him Friend.
He is also my Vietnamese Food Buddy. That is an esteemed title in my book. Like me, he graciously devours fresh spring rolls with shrimp, pork, noodles and veggies coated in a peanutty dipping sauce – which he appreciates spicy. Bowls of grilled chicken, noodles and crisp bean sprouts, carrots and cucumbers with mint and basil entice him like me, making even the simplest meal a treat.
For such a busy day it was nice to take a break from the mound of work on my desk to see him and enjoy all this and a nice French coffee with condensed milk. I also learned a new phrase today which I think is brilliant, “S&M Club”. For those of you who know me, maybe too well, it is not what you think, it stands for a bar (or even a gym) where people Stand and Model instead of converse or workout. You know what I mean. I just love it, something new for my vocabulary. This is paired with the slang name of a particular palm – the Stryker Palm, named after Jeff Stryker (look him up on Xtube if you are really interested).
I believe a writer should always learn new words and phrases. Paired with the phraseology I am learning from Pride and Prejudice (my latest book), I will be a very well-versed person.
Even more wonderful treats drenched me when I got home. I had the most fabulous corn chowder with sweet corn from Graham's Farmer's Market (I just love that place). It was sweet with smoky bacon, firm, yet delicious waxy red potatoes and a plethora of flavor that no other seasoning was added. Yum!

Jungle Love – Day 9

It was all about the yard yesterday. Well the yard and the house. Like my personality used to be, my yard is a bit of a wild child that needs a haircut. She’s punked out and loves the whole goth shadowing with a few flowers to add color and many tiny creatures to till the earth.
Not wanting to leave this behind, but growing up just a little, I have decided to re-do my yard and in the process take some steps to work some more on the house.
It has been 9 years to get this far and I have only taken baby-steps in customizing my abode to suit my needs. My wood floors were uncovered during the hurricanes of 2004 revealing red oak that only needed to be polished and sealed to showcase their beauty. Last year, I redid the windows for aesthetics, to save money and to take advantage of a deductible on my taxes. I prepared them as well with storm shutters to protect the investment.
I bought new bookcases, rugs and art to decorate the interior, but the exterior cried out for some attention.
It has taken time, but when you do it all on your own it will. Now I have some help from my friends, and the gumption to just get out of this rut. We are taking everything (almost) out and re-doing the yard in sections.
I was inspired by Patty’s yard with its pond, waterfall, pet cemetery and herbs with a courtyard that is so inviting. She is a diy aficionado.
My yard will become structured chaos – like me. Unruly, a bit precocious, guided and a bit free, is what I am all about. I will extend my veggie garden, get a banana and mango tree or two, plant my avocadoes and figs, trim them all in flowers and colorful-leafed plants and garden art.
Then the house with new soffits, a new paint job and major re-construction of the bathroom and kitchen, just the way I like it. Now I just need to get some more freelance to pay for the shindig.

In Memorium to Petunia - Day 8

Sometimes we are inspired by those things we never saw coming. By those beings that let us see deeper than just the facade, and appreciate the worth of creation. That was Miss Petunia. I am sorry to say we lost Miss P yesterday afternoon, but she went to her next life knowing she was loved, in the arms of her most trusted friend, Patty. Petunia was a changling, making some of us abruptly change how we thought about rats, especially hairless ones. The general response at first was "Gross" or "No way" conjuring the repulsive nature of things like hairless cats and dogs. But Petunia changed everyone's mind when they saw her, they all loved her and just couldn't help it.

Though not a high-maintenance rat herself, with no hair to preen and no clothes to worry about matching, Petunia made sure those around her had trimmed hair at their neckline and their pockets empty of lint and left-behinds.


Her contentment was found under your hair, inside your pocket or purse and just in your warm and loving hands. This special rat leaves behind many of us who have be so lucky to love her and will miss her every day: Patty, Jim, Mayo, Duncan, Tuttie and myself, just to name a few of the people whose lives she made that much better.


Bless you Miss Petunia - We love you.
(Note: Duncan wasn't going to eat her in the picture above, he was just giving her a kiss)

The World in My I's - Day 7

Yippee I have been playing with my new camera and I love it. Yesterday I wandered around the house after work just shooting things, and seeing what could come out of this tiny hole.

I needed some creativity since yesterday at work was one of those organizational days that uses the other side of my brain limiting the creative embers from flashing to light. Usually I have a 50/50 or 60/40 week with a lot of brainstorming for ads, writing magazine articles or drawing in some marketing material for other little trinkets. Yesterday was all Web stuff and boring. But I love organization too. I'm an arty geek.

That's a picture of my kitchen, as seen from the POV of an ice bucket.


Note on B&W photography that I learned from a professional photog that I went scouting with for an ad ... never use the black and white feature on your camera - always adjust the color once it is in the computer. A color picture has something like 20-thousand colors in it. When one uses the B&W feature it is narrowed down to shades of gray in about 300 colors. So there is no true black nor white, just shades of gray. Priceless info.
This is a palm in my front yard about to explode. I loved the tendrilly look and appreciate the way the sunset-inspired varigated shading.


Flowers are my passion. My new macro feature allows me to get really close and forecast a great picture every time. I just love how rich the colors are and how much detail is reflected back.
My other digital, a point-and-shoot, couldn't do this and it drove me crazy since my old Minolta could. But alas we must step into the digital age.

My neighbor's dog sings to me every morning as I water the plants and feed the outdoor kitties. She just loves playing with the kitties. Though she is as big as a pony, she is one of the most gentle and loving dogs I have ever known.

Sometimes even her songs drown out the crazy lady next door yelling at her husband. Dale, my neighbor, and I just crack up when she gets going. We are waiting for the sound of a gunshot. But what would we do then?

Skipping over waves - Day 6

Sorry folks to miss a day, but there was life to be lived. Yesterday after work, I went on the jet ski to celebrate the end of another work day and a day, hopefully closer to not having to work. I watched dolphins, pelicans and osprey, as well as raced across the waves. The sunset was beautiful, I am very happy to live in this particular spot on the globe.

Today though there are no photos, I am getting used to my camera and tired from a day of being creative. The weekend starts tomorrow so I shall continue.

Make that two skipped days – yesterday I tried to post, but the site was down so no luck. But here it is, enjoy. (It's a dolphin fin, not a shark, but I thought it looked cool.

Got To Have Da Funk – Day 5

I was in a bit of a funk all day. Waking up at 4:30 a.m., I felt a sense of dread that lingered throughout the morning. The weight of the world, literally, rested on my shoulders. More than 100,000 people dead in just 10 days. With a cyclone and its aftermath in Myanmar, tornadoes in the Midwest, an earthquake in China and wildfires in Florida, it was no wonder my mind raced with devastation.

Even a morning shower and make-up couldn’t spackle away the pockets of emptiness I felt. The ringing toxin of finality created a void within me, and I longed to cry and release it. I am thankful it wasn’t empathy or I would have been a wreck. Lost in not knowing what to do, if anything at all, I resolved myself to let this too pass. Peaceful and blank, I worked through my morning tasks and routine reeling from this sudden feeling of doubt.

Lodged in my psyche was hope, a spring that bubbles, sometimes hidden, eternal. Without it I wouldn’t be here. Comfortable in my normalcy without any major catastrophes to withstand, I set about to find the things that are good. In my capitulation to those things I can not control, I felt confident in discovering the blessings around me and those things I was most thankful for.

This was easier said than done. My shining immortal soul took a poop all over my optimism and made a very stinky mess. To distill my blues, or just ignore them, I finished listening to The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay. I really liked it and am making that a suggestion for my book club. The emptiness left by finishing the book had me jonesing for something else to keep my mind busy and intact. I chose to listen to The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die, not incredibly light reading, but interesting and informative.

The premise is that after asking several hundreds of people between the ages of 60 and 106, the author found five similar themes than ran across this gamut of wisdom.

Be true to yourself.
Leave no regrets.
Become love.
Live the moment.
Give more than you take.

It really wasn’t the best tool to procure my freedom from the moodiness that is staking claim to me right now, but the menagerie of wisdom in these short sentences are along my path. The Universe must have heard my whispers since they gave me something to pull me out.

Maybe, what I need is a Petunia break. Now I feel better.

<<- Petunia

None of these photos are from today - but they are from my own archive and sum up what I am feeling.

I Don't Like Mondaze - Day 4

Welcome to the Working Week stirred me from my dreamless sleep before even the sun had a chance. This song rang through my mind all day as a tease to those days when weeks ran together and working consisted of writing, worrying, knitting and making love.

For 8 months, my life was akimbo, with free days and lost hours. Now dragged, only slightly with a fight, back into the world of corporate-dictated work, I train my gaze on something other than regret. Just 11 short months ago, I disengaged from the only world I knew entering a fairyland complete with the dragon of worry and the evil step-mother of fantasy shame. I had thrown myself to the rubes of my imagination thinking I could write a novel, a bestseller in some circles, that would allow me to live out the life of a freelancer. Steered toward this impossible task, I was blind to all the other wonders that now further instill in me a sadness at the Monday morning alarm, even if the inevitable is serenaded by Elvis Costello.

My puckered Happy Face balloon hasn’t burst yet. I am grateful for what I have; a job that is both creative and challenging, a place for me to learn new skills and hone others, with some cool people to work with and a steady paycheck that allows me to have my home, my cat and my “freedom” after 5pm.

But sometimes, like this morning, it is almost unbearably difficult to extinguish the barks of regret. Like they say in RENT, “Forget regret or life is yours to miss.” I am creating a new me with no blueprint and no safety net, (well a small one, I knitted it out of cheap yarn, but it looks nice).

There is no plan of how to freelance again, to be an artist or to even know what is for dinner. But that is OK. I have lived by plans all my life, and though it gave me many things, and I am grateful for all of them, I like playing it by ear. Like when my car decides to scowl forcing me to take it in for service.

This morning was punctuated by a trip to the Saturn Service Center. I haven’t been the best auto mom and it was time, but once again, I had other plans for the money this may cost. By way of an answer to my plight however, I did get to check out the SKY a bit more and love it. I don’t know how or when, but that is going to be my next car. And I look good in it. Though the cost of my unexpected car repair isn’t enough to deplete my serene aplomb, it does set me back on purchasing a new one.

But everything happens for a reason. When I went to pick up my car, I saw a friend I hadn't seen in more than 3 years, Miss Monica D. She was picking up her car too and we chatted for a while. I miss working with her and hearing all her wild party tales told in both astute English grammar and Southside jargon - Hip Hop meets Jane Austen. She is doing wonderfully and confessed that she is very happy, which is something new. For both of us.

All is well in my world.

Mother's Daze - Day 3

On the front page of the St. Pete Times today was a story about a family who recently lost their mother. Being Mother’s Day it was an appropriate remembrance and stirred my own memories of Mother’s Day and the Times. When I was 10 years old, there was a short blurb in the paper about my father and I. The year before, my mother died of ovarian cancer – I was only 9. To grab more readers and add a human-interest spin, the paper chose us to write a story about since it was my first Mom’s Day without mom.

I was excited, still unsure about this whole death thing. My mother had been ill for more than a year and I had gotten used to her not being around. It truly hadn’t sunk in yet that I would never see her in the flesh again. The photographer and writer came to the house and my father and I were to re-enact an evening of making dinner. For the story there were vegetables involved, when in reality it was spam and noodles or some other concoction.

They mainly spoke to my dad since what would a 10-year-old have to say about such a loss. It wasn’t real and my vocabulary and emotional-expression experience was limited.



No so many years later, I still feel at a loss and words don’t escape me. Sometimes I feel like I never had a mother. I can envision her through pictures and the odd story, but I can’t identify with this woman. I love her, every day I think of her, but it is like loving a saint or an angel, nothing tangible, but you know they exist to protect you.

This Mother’s Day there was a gray cloud over it all. I functioned gardening, cooking and just being, but I knew there was something missing. No cards to remember, no flowers to forget, no calls to make or the lame excuse for a missed call. But don’t feel sorry for me. I believe that I am actually a bit blessed. My mother can do no wrong; she can’t get drunk at a party and embarrass me, she can’t follow some charlatan into belief oblivion and she can’t get angry when I care too much or too little. She is always with me and I can speak to her any time I want. I am lucky for those 9 years because it gave me the backbone I have now.


I wish all of you mothers out there a happy Mother’s Day. Especially my own mother, Marie.

Day 2 - 39 Veggies to Make a Salad

Off to market we go. I love grocery shopping, mainly at produce stands and local markets. At Graham’s produce stand on 54th Avenue, I got the treat of the day – Silver Queen Corn on the Cob. Among my weekly shopping of fruits and veg, I came across the ears; large, full with plumped kernels pleading to explode. At the time I didn’t know how good a buy this was. Pairing it with succulent black grouper from Neptune’s Fish Market, next door, I was set for dinner.

However, I didn’t have to wait for dinner to please my palate. At Neptune’s I also bought some smoked amberjack for my Salad of Many Colors.

But back to the corn. We grilled out seasoning the fish with salt and pepper, olive oil, a little Essence and lemon juice. The corn was cooked in the husk giving it a smoky, rich aroma. Now I thought the star of the show would be the grouper, but the Silver Queen took center stage. Undressing the ear, my nose was enticed by the steam escaping fragranced like a brushfire, clean burned, sweet and musky. The kernels were perfectly plump. No need for salt or butter, I ate the ear savoring every bite. Dessert was slices of fresh, ripe mango oozing over my chin with their sugary, resin-like glue. To me there are few things better than a fresh mango.

I love food. That is both a blessing and a curse, but yesterday was all healthy and that made me very happy.

Here is the recipe for my Salad of Many Colors:
I chose what was available, but remember the more colorful, the better it is for you and the better it will taste.
Romaine lettuce, red cabbage, radishes, tomatoes, red peppers, carrots, fennel and red onion. For the dressing I used Penzey’s (www.penzeys.com) dried herbs, mixing Green Goddess with ½ cup light mayo (normally I can’t stand the stuff, but as a carrier for the herbies, it isn’t bad at all), a tablespoon each of red wine vinegar and fresh lemon juice and a dash of Louisiana hot sauce.

I wasn’t just a homebody on my day off. I visited my friend Renee’s gallery show in Hyde Park. There is a gallery (http://www.tampaartistemporium.com/) there that rents out space to a different artists so they can get their work in the public eye. An illustrator, Renee’s pieces showcase women’s beauty and images of a simpler life, one we all can enjoy from dogs basking in the sun to a Rasta guy fishing. She captures pleasures that many of us are too busy to notice. Check her stuff out at http://diggsdesignstudio.com

There was another artist there who does crocheted jewelry pieces. I bought a red bracelet with shells and beads woven through. I love it. She uses a very tiny crochet needle and Turkish designs to craft pieces that are lovely and affordable. Here is her site www.sukrankirtis.com.

When I was younger I wanted to get out of here, but now I love this area. Traveling around the world is fun, but here is where I can find it all: great food, art, friends, sand and surf. Perfect for a girl like me.